My Story
When I was growing up my dad used to sit me at the dining room table on school report day and tell me that he was disappointed in me. Not to be mean, but because he believed in me. He knew I could do better. He knew I had potential. Did I listen to him? No. Should I have? Most definitely!​
One day after school I was walking home with a boy from my neighbourhood, and he said ten words that have haunted me to this day and moulded me into the person I used to be. He said, "You think you're better than everyone else, don't you, Mark?" Did I listen to him? Yes. Should I have? Certainly not!​
Those ten words prevented me from reaching my true potential for nearly thirty years. I lived in fear of being excluded by my peers because I may be coming across as superior. I just wanted to fit in. I was living in a perpetual cycle of imposter syndrome. I dumbed myself down to be accepted.​
During my early working years, I did well and progressed effortlessly, continuously being promoted to supervisory roles. But that fear of being excluded prevented me from progressing further. My superiors wanted me to step up, but I never wanted to lose touch with the frontline staff, the ones with the dirty hands. Their acceptance was more important than my progression.
I was a victim of my chosen tribe. So, I turned down promotions or left the companies for a new job where I would have to start at the bottom.
What changed my life?
This also affected my personal life. I convinced myself that I shouldn’t be aiming high with regards to a partner. Every time it appeared that my girlfriend was a keeper, I would sabotage the relationship to find someone of an “acceptable standard”. My longest relationship to date was with someone I believed was just good enough. But not right for me by any stretch of the imagination. This wasn’t a conscious decision, you understand. But I recognise it now after extensive inner work.
This pattern continued until my most recent professional role, and my current partner. I had been at the company for nearly twenty years and found myself in a supervisory role again. I was also in a relationship with someone who was proving to be a diamond. But thankfully, I was beginning to see where the problem lay. I was progressing to these roles and attracting these partners, not because I was better than anyone else; but because I was respectful of others, carried myself with dignity and honoured my values. The cracks were beginning to show in the old mindset. The real me was trying to escape. But as it did, I realised that I was trapped in the confines of a corporate world, unable to express myself to my fullest potential professionally. I was unfulfilled!
I began to read self-help books, visit websites and social media pages of coaches and mentors alike. I started journaling and meditating, two things I had scoffed at in my past. Once I saw the benefits I was gaining from all these endeavours, it made me hungry for more. I attended seminars and webinars. All these things pointed me to the fact that it was not me who thought I was better than anybody else, it was they who believed I thought I was better than everyone else. And it may have only been that one boy. Can I control their thoughts? Never!
I realised that it was probably him feeling inferior to me because I was confident, eloquent, and walked upright with my chest out and my shoulders back. Things he wanted; things that I had. But I wasn’t being these things to make him FEEL inferior. I was just being me. The problem wasn’t the ME I was being, the problem was the THEM I was surrounding myself with. I was moving with the wrong tribe. To reach my potential and be true to the real me, I needed to address many things: my circles of influence, my mindset, my values and my beliefs. I decided to go all in on discovering the real me and staying true to him.
Out with the old, in with the new!
It sounds self-centred, but here's the thing; there is no better way to serve the people around you than to show up as the best version of yourself. Not far into my journey I noticed the differences it was also making to those around me. We were smiling together more and having more fun. Pretty soon into this journey we had my first child, a daughter. As if I needed any more inspiration to be the best version of me.
As I unpicked the old me, I realised that I always gravitated towards a supervisory role because I love helping people. I recognised that my style of man-management was a coaching style.
My productivity went through the roof. I started training with The Coaching Academy for a Life Coach Diploma. I started learning conversational French. I started doing DIY (those of you who know me will know what a huge step the latter was for me)! I went from dragging myself out of bed for a job I no longer cared for just so the bills were covered, to starting my own coaching business and learning new skills every day to make that business and myself successful. I found my purpose. I gain fulfilment through helping others. I achieve satisfaction by freeing up spare time to spend with my family and invest in myself and my business. All by discovering the real me and being true to him.
If you want that too, I can help you!
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